


The Devil's Corn Flakes

by Cydersyrup



Series: Edible Mishaps [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Cereal, Existential Crisis, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Slice of Life, Swearing, bowls - Freeform, but not really, exhaustion-fueled emotional breakdown, kun is a good friend i take no criticism, over salsa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cydersyrup/pseuds/Cydersyrup
Summary: Johnny narrows his eyes. “What kind of sacrilege is this?” he asks, because whatever he’s looking at right now just can’t be real.Jaehyun looks up from his bowl. “It’s just cereal,” he says, like it’s absolutely no big deal.Only...it kind of is.Johnny wouldn’t be half as frustrated if it really WAS cereal, but there’s a bag of crushed tortilla chips on the table next to a half-empty jar of salsa, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the concoction Jaehyun’s spooning into his mouth is some combination of the two.So like any calm, reasonable person would do, Johnny backs out of the room, closes the door behind him, and runs crying all the way to Kun.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Edible Mishaps [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750297
Comments: 9
Kudos: 66





	The Devil's Corn Flakes

**Author's Note:**

> So...this is lw based on a true story and idk what to tell y'all like...???  
> Don't try this at home out of respect for chips and salsa???  
> Do try it because it's actually not that bad a way to enjoy chips and salsa???  
> Enjoy??? (O_O)???

Like all the shit that goes wrong in Johnny’s life, it happens on a Wednesday.

Though to be fair, it’s not the absolute worst Wednesday he’s ever experienced in twenty-odd years of living, but it’s definitely up there in the top 5. At least he managed to get some sleep the night before and didn’t wake up with a massive hangover.

But this Wednesday still sucks. It sucks because all his lectures are in the morning, followed directly after with a three-hour lab, then a session of peer tutoring with Donghyuck. Johnny loves the kid to pieces, but if Donghyuck asks another question about the steps of the Kreb’s cycle when they literally covered the topic over three weeks ago, Johnny is going to eat his fucking textbook. 

So now, trudging his way across campus to his dorm, Johnny has exactly three things planned out for his afternoon: eat a snack because he didn’t have time for lunch, pass out for a couple hours, and then maybe grab dinner.

MAYBE.

He doesn’t know if his body will physically allow him to return to the land of the living in time for dinner. Johnny hasn’t slept for more than four hours this entire week, and the sleep debt is creeping up on his ass like a little gremlin. At the very least, he could always just wake up at some ungodly hour and help himself to the ready-made meals he kept stocked in his minifridge just for this occasion.

But because life seems to love fucking with him on Wednesdays, none of his plan actually happens.

When Johnny opens the door to his dorm room, it’s not empty like he expects it to be. Jaehyun is sitting in the beanbag chair by the coffee table, legs stretched out and sweatpants rolled up above his ankles. He’s eating something red and yellow out of a pastel pink bowl.

Johnny’s pastel pink bowl. That had been a gift from his best friend when they first entered college together. And whatever Jaehyun’s eating isn't soft food, because with every chewing motion he makes, Johnny can hear a crisp series of crunches that scrapes at his eardrums.

And as much as Johnny loves his boyfriend, he’s really not in the mood to humor Jaehyun today. Especially when said boyfriend just barged into his room all unexpected and certainly _uninvited_.

“Jae,” he manages, setting his backpack down by the door.

“Oh hey!” Jaehyun greets back with a broad grin, waving lazily at Johnny. “I know you’d be busy today, so I brought you some snacks! Though I got kinda hungry and had some. Hope you don’t mind.”

Johnny narrows his eyes at the sludgy mess inside the bowl. “What kind of sacrilege is this?” he asks, because whatever he’s looking at right now just can’t be real.

Jaehyun looks up from his bowl. “It’s just cereal,” he says, like it’s absolutely no big deal.

Only...it kind of is.

Johnny wouldn’t be half as frustrated if it really WAS cereal, but there’s a bag of crushed tortilla chips on the table next to a half-empty jar of salsa, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the concoction Jaehyun’s spooning into his mouth is some combination of the two.

“Jae...that’s not cereal,” Johnny says weakly.

Jaehyun smiles serenely, scooping another spoonful of crushed chips and salsa into his mouth. “Anything is cereal, if it’s made from a grain and has some sort of liquid poured over it.”

“Salsa’s not a liquid.” Is it? Johnny’s pretty sure the tomato and onion chunks in salsa automatically disqualifies it from being a legit liquid. He’ll be damned if he’s wrong.

But alas, his boyfriend is not only an absolute heathen, but a smartass too.

“Technically, liquids are just substances that can flow freely and conform to the shape of their containers,” Jaehyun says around his mouthful.

So like any calm, reasonable person would do, Johnny backs out of the room, closes the door behind him, and runs crying all the way to Kun.

* * *

“Oh, Johnny.” The voice Kun greets him with is soft, gentle, with a grave undertone that speaks of befriending one too many idiots in his lifetime. “Johnny Seo, what atrocity has befallen you for you to come groveling at my door at—” he pauses and checks his watch, “—not even four in the afternoon?”

Johnny falls to his knees right at the threshold of Kun’s door and wraps his arms around the man’s legs. He still hasn’t finished crying, and both his tears and snot soak small wet spots onto the denim of Kun’s jeans as Johnny sobs hysterically against him.

“Uh, okay, maybe I was a bit harsh earlier,” Kun amends, bending down slightly to pat Johnny’s head with one hand and trying to pry him off with the other. “Johnny, what’s wrong? You can’t just break down in front of my door without at least telling me what’s bothering you.”

If Johnny isn’t so distressed and bawling his eyes out, he’d roll them at Kun.

But no, he’s distressed and bawling his eyes out, so the best he can offer is a hiccuped, “Salsa.”

“Pardon?”

Johnny picks himself up and wipes his nose with the back of his sleeve. Kun grimaces at the action. “I said salsa.”

“What about salsa?” Kun asks as he ushers Johnny into the warmth of his room. It’s a lot tidier than Johnny’s, with a lot more kitchen utensils and even a couple pots of succulents along the windowsill. The entire space looks homey, like Kun as he scuttles around the tiny kitchenette, pulling out plates and raiding his minifridge. 

“Did you run out? Is this a hunger breakdown? Are you starved? If you ran out of food you could’ve just told me—”

“Kun,” Johnny cuts in, “Jaehyun is eating chips and salsa out of a bowl.”

Kun pauses in his scramble to produce something edible. “So?” he asks. “Isn’t that how you’re supposed to eat chips and salsa?”

“He’s eating it outta that pink bowl you got me as a grad gift.”

“Are you possessive over that bowl?”

Johnny is. He’d sooner get caught masturbating than admit it out loud, but he is very much attached to that pink bowl, thank you very much. He doesn’t like people using it without his permission. He doesn’t like people using it, period. 

But that’s beside the point. “Kun, he was eating it with a spoon.”

Kun blinks owlishly. “Excuse me?”

“He crushed up the chips, dumped salsa over it, and ate it with a spoon,” Johnny explains.

“What the fuck?”

“He called it cereal.”

“What the _fuck_?”

“I know!” Johnny breaks down into a fresh wave of sobs, and the force of it makes his knees buckle from under him. He probably would’ve collapsed and concussed himself if Kun didn’t run over and catch him before he can bust his head open.

“Oh, Johnny, _Johnny_ ,” Kun coos as Johnny curls up in his lap and wails. His hands card gently through Johnny’s hair, relieving some of the tension in his head. “Let it out. Let it all out. I’m so sorry you had to witness that.”

Johnny looks up through his tears, and no, he’s totally not overreacting. “Kun, you don’t understand!”

“No, I really don’t, and I’m not sure if I actually want to,” Kun says calmly.

“He called chips and salsa cereal!”

“The audacity.”

“He was eating it with a spoon! The devil’s cornflakes! He was eating that shit with a spoon!”

“That degenerate.”

“What am I gonna do?”

“Dump his ass.”

Johnny’s head snaps up. “What?! No!”

Kun shoots him a judgemental look. “Your boyfriend traumatized you by calling chips and salsa cereal and you’re still willing to be in a relationship with him?”

Huh. He’s got a point there.

“But I love him.”

“Johnny, you came crying to me because you caught him eating chips and salsa with a spoon and calling it cereal.”

“I _think_ I love him.”

“You had an existential crisis.”

“I’m...debating whether I love him.”

“Make up your mind, Seo,” Kun snaps.

“Okay, I still love him,” Johnny sighs. An irritated Kun is not a nice Kun, and he doesn’t have the energy or brainpower to deal with that right now. “Jae’s a heathen but I love him.”

Kun nods. “Cool. So are you hungry or not? I already took the eggs out.”

Johnny feels his stomach give a low growl at the prospect of food. More specifically, food from Kun. Johnny has had food from campus, from Doyoung, and from Taeyong, but Kun’s food has been and always will be just a step above the rest. Maybe because Johnny kind of grew up on it, so he’s a little biased. Sue him.

“I’m starved, Kun. And I can’t go back to my room right now. God knows what Jae will pull next.”

Kun suppresses a shudder and pulls out his little electric plate and a pan. “Well, you’re right about that. Sit down somewhere. I’ll feed you in a bit.”

It’s amazing how even with four ingredients and barely enough space to cook, Kun still manages to present Johnny with a heaping plateful of omurice topped with lots and lots of ketchup. Just the way Johnny likes it.

“So,” Kun says once Johnny’s cleared his plate and not such an emotional wreck. “What’re you gonna do about the whole salsa situation?”

“Please don’t mention it, I just ate,” Johnny says, patting his full belly and eyeing Kun’s door wearily. “I just want to sleep and forget it ever happened.”

“What are you gonna do if he’s still eating that swill when you get back?”

“I will cry,” Johnny says gravely.

Kun picks up the plate and carries it to the sink. “Johnny, you’re a grown man.”

“Men can cry, fuck you. It’s a natural human process that’s actually great for stress relief, and society has warped it into some toxic bullshit to give people with an XY chromosome pair the artificial sense of superiority.”

“First of all, you didn’t let me finish,” Kun says, setting down the clean plate on the countertop. “I meant, you’re a grown man, you can find a solution. And second, at the crux of it all, it’s just some chips and salsa. Sure, Jaehyun ate it like a psychopath but you can’t cry over chips and salsa your entire life. You, my friend, need to get your ass in bed and take a nap.”

Johnny sighs as he pulls himself up from behind Kun’s desk. “Fine. Fair enough. You’re right. I need to sleep. I’m so fucking tired, it’s fucking with my head.”

“Exhaustion does weird things to everybody,” Kun says kindly as he leads Johnny to the door. “So don’t stress too much over it, okay? But the next time you see Jaehyun eating chips and salsa like that, get me a photo.”

Johnny arches a brow, hand resting on the doorknob. “Why? You gonna blackmail him or some shit?”

Kun smiles pleasantly. It makes the hairs on the back of Johnny’s neck stand on end. “No, of course not. I just want to see if it’s as atrocious as it sounds. Hendery and Lucas have been driving me insane with their bad eating habits lately. Someone needs to humble them.”

And that’s a bad idea, because—“What if those kids start copying Jae instead?”

“Trust me, Hendery and Lucas have weird eating habits, especially when they’re high, but even they’re not this adventurous.”

Johnny wants to call bullshit on that. He’s seen Hendery and Lucas high before. Those kids would eat mayo straight out the jar if they could get their hands on it. They’d eat ANYTHING out of the jar if they can get one. It doesn’t even have to be a jar. He’s seen them eat canned green beans with chocolate ice cream before, both straight out of the containers.

Canned green beans and chocolate ICE CREAM.

But now that Johnny thinks about it, Jaehyun eating chips and salsa from a bowl and calling it ‘cereal’ isn’t half bad compared to some of the other shit he’s seen.

* * *

HOWEVER—

That doesn’t mean Johnny gives Jaehyun an explanation for why he decided to bolt out of his own room almost an hour ago. Jaehyun _did_ use his pink bowl without asking.

“Johnny, I said I’m sorry!” Jaehyun whines as he dries off Johnny’s bowl and puts it back where it belongs. “It’s just a snack. No need to be so hung up over it.”

“I,” Johnny says stiffly as he pulls off his jacket, “am not hung up over that.” He is. The sight will continue to haunt him for the rest of his higher education, right next to the green beans and ice cream.

Jaehyun crosses his arms over his chest, his sweaterpaws bunching up at the crease of his elbows. “Sure you aren’t. So can I come nap with you? I’m done with classes for the day.”

“No.”

“What? Why?”

Johnny looks at his bowl, then his eyes flicker to the bag and jar still on his table. Bowl. Chips and salsa. Bowl.

“Don’t ever eat fucking chips and salsa like that ever again in front of me.” Johnny points at Jaehyun as the other raises his hands in surrender. “Got it?”

“Okay, okay! No more salsa-cereal around you.”

“Stop calling it that!”

**Author's Note:**

> Jaehyun does not, in fact, stop calling it cereal. :)  
> And neither have I. :]
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Cydersyrup)  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/Cydersyrup)


End file.
